Cannot help these bad thoughts playing on my mind [ADVICE]

[buliej]

PZ - first of all, congratulations!!!!

I completely understand your anxiety. Please stop reading the stories of loss - it's hard not to, you will find that one way or another those seem to be popping out in neon lights but you need to stop reading them for your entire pregnancy.

Also, I agree with going to get a scan - the peace-of-mind is worth it. Either get a referral if you can, or go to one of the places suggested above. I had fortnightly scans for the first 28 weeks of my pregnancy. Although there were valid medical reasons for this, it gave me great comfort - to tell you the truth, I couldn't imagine waiting longer between scans as I was always a wreck by the time day 10 rolled around. Only when REGULAR movement started did I stop worrying between scans.

The doppler is kind of a good idea - i say this because 1 - it is still very early for a nonprofessional to find the heartbeat and this could lead to more [unnecessary] panic rather than assurance and 2 - even later, when the baby is smaller, it can be hard to find the HB. Even my OB would have to search around at the beginning....the search for him was only 15 seconds but it felt like I was holding my breath for 20 minutes.

[Raupe]

Oh Punky. Don't have any advise, just big, warm, squishy .
You WILL carry to term. And you WILL have a healthy baby in a few months. You will be holding your baby in your arms, because you are sweet and kind and deserve it!

[Babyluv]

Hun,
I know how hard it is to not be overwhelmed by the anxiety when you've lost bubs before. I guess all I can say is unfortunately it doesn't get easier until you start feeling your bub moving in your belly. Try to have faith in your bub, he/she is healthy in there & doing what they should be doing!
Even now I have only 5 weeks to go & I'm scared daily for her safety. I think the constant worry won't leave us until we are holding our babies in our arms.
Try not to worry Hun, your little one will be fine xox

[Liz]

Oh PZ *hugs* I know that feeling. Just yesterday I was talking to my midwife saying I'm tempted to beg the GP for another scan referral, because I just don't believe the 6 week scan cos it was so early. She offered to try and find the heartbeat for me, but I said no, if she can't find it (which is very likely at 8 weeks!) it would just make it worse. I'm just trying to take comfort in feeling sick and the changes in my boobs. I don't have a belly yet (no more than I usually do LOL) but not really expecting it just yet anyway, plus I'm losing weight atm. Altho.. I took a photo a few nights ago and you would think I'm 6 months pmsl. That was very ouchy bloating!!

Only a couple more weeks to get through.. and I know we've both had great practice at waiting things out (troublesome TTC days which I hope we both don't experience again!!). Everything is looking soooo good for you, just really try to focus on those good signs.

*hugs*

[SweetPea]

It's such a stressful time, I know exactly how you are feeling. Is there any chance you could have your NT scan a bit earlier? With my last pregnancy I booked it in for 13 weeks, and bub was measuring 13 weeks and 4 days, and it was a lot harder for the sonographer to get the measurements she needed as the baby tends to move around alot more apparently when you pass 13 weeks. Just a thought. I'm sure everything will be just perfect

[Mum2Romone]

I don't know what to say, I'm sure I will feel just like that when I am 'finally' pregnant again, but....

I'm sure everything will be ok.... And when you get your next scan you will be reassured all is fantastic with the baby !

[PumpkinZulu]

Thankyou all so much, I'm so glad I added the [ADVICE] on the end, it feels good to be understood and supported.

I want to reply properly, but can't right now, as I'm battling extreme nausea and the urge to puke while getting ready for work Guess it's a good sign

[~Hestia~]

Darl, although I've never suffered a loss, I too was terrified when I pregnant with DS. I could not get excited until after the 12 week scan. I was just convinced there would be nothing there, that the worst had happened. I even said to DH as we were leaving for the appointment "This is it. When we come back here we'll no longer be parents", I can still remember the fear. I think I even did a pregnancy test before we left the house!

Again, luckily I have never had a miscarriage. I can't imagine how it feels to know how easily all your hopes and dreams can be taken away from you. But I really think a lot of women feel scared until they see that little bub on the screen for themselves, it's just not talked about.

Big hugs, everything is going to be fine. I can't wait to hear about your next scan!

[~Jayne~]

Oh darl, unfortunately it's an all too familiar feeling & one I wish we never had to go through. Pregnancies aren't supposed to be tainted with fear but lined with love & the feeling of promise.

We are all here to hold your hand & get you through to that magical scan. I wish you only the best of luck!

Ocean Princess had a fantastic suggestion - I hired a doppler (& I don't remember it being expensive), so I could just have a sneaky listen to bub's heartbeat when I had those moments of fear & it was brilliant for me. Maybe it's a valid suggestion/idea for you too?

Love Jayne x

[Jewel]

Big hugeeeee hugs.

xox

[luna moth]

It's horrible, isn't it? I cried before every scan, and nearly vomited, and tried to talk DH out of the 12 week scan because I just couldn't face bad news.

But to get through the days, the average normal days in between, I just used the mantra of "the majority of pregnancies survive." Especially after the dating scan. Before that, I just didn't get excited at all. Just took that mantra and repeated it to myself over and over and over.

And I sent this little baby all the love I could possibly muster, thanking it for any precious time we could have together. That helped a lot too.

[~ Mylitta ~]

Huge supportive hugs for you sweetness. I wish I could say the feeling goes away, but even at 30 weeks I still worry every day even though my little Apple Blossom never seems to stop moving. Of course then I wonder if something is wrong and that's why she's moving so much. You just can't win when you stress about every little thing.

My Obstetrician does a quick scan at every apt so I've had monthly scans plus my 12week and 19week scans, and leading up to each scan I get more and more excited, then when it's just days away I start to get more and more scared. I had a 4D scan on Sat and yet I am still scared about my Ob apt tomorrow! Completely irrational, but us mummies are allowed to be a little irrational from time to time

Personally I am a huge fan of the fetal dopplers. I used one with DS's pregnancy and also with this one. I managed to find DS's heartbeat at 11ish weeks, and I found our little Apple Blossom's at 9 weeks! I will admit that it's a bit scary when bub's are so little and it takes ages to find the heartbeat. I was close to going to the hospital one night when I couldn't find her heartbeat while sitting up. I then lay down and found it within seconds. But when ever I heard that little thump-thump of the heart beating strongly I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders

I wish you all the best in the rest of your journey. Also, even when you stress about things, make sure you enjoy that little precious bundle growing inside you

[MummyNaomi]

Personally I am a huge fan of the fetal dopplers.

Me too, we found DS's heartbeat from about 12 weeks, I could always find it by being almost fully laying down (I do remember being surprised how low I had to place it though LOL
I still have my doppler, although a friend currently has it (but isn't using it now as she's had her bub) - I am happy to chase it up and loan it to you babe if you would like to use it I totally understand your fears - although we never m/c - DS was an IVF miracle so the pregnancy always seemed to good to be true, once I started to feel DS kick though (about 19 weeks from memory) I stopped using the doppler and my worries massively decreased

Naomi

[thepixie]

PZ, I am another one who has never had a mc but keeps having the exact same thoughts this time. Can't help thinking like you, that when I get to the 12 week scan there will be nothing there. Having had losses before of course you will be worried, it's only natural. I have a friend who had 4 early mc's before her current pregnancy which is well into the second tri now. She kept saying she was 'crazy' because she was so worried about losing this baby. But it's not crazy it's perfectly normal - if something has happened before the mind can't help thinking it might happen again. Unfortunately some anxiety will go with the territory. All you can do is seek reassurance where you can (tashy's suggestion sounds excellent) and enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can.

[~ Mylitta ~]

I could always find it by being almost fully laying down (I do remember being surprised how low I had to place it though LOL

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that. At first you practically have to be trying to position it just above your pubic bone (near where your underwear sits) then push the doppler in and point it down to get it "behind" your pelvic bone, lol.

[TeniBear]

Feeling a little better today?


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[Melster]

Dont worry you're not alone and its completely normal. I am 5 weeks pregnant after loosing a bub 4months ago..i was ok at the start...i was over the moon, so happy...but then slowley but surely the fear has started to set in...the thoughts, the emotions...for me im petrified of the scans.......I have an appointment friday so i am hoping he can check my hormone levels......I dont have heaps of advise because like you im in the same boat trying to find some answers.....try and have people around you that understand and talk heaps on here..which always helps me...and im just praying that this time will be alright. Hope you're ok today